Archive for February, 2009
dilbert and time off
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Humor on February 27, 2009
this was too funny with everything going on right now
distance makes the heart grow ….
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Life on February 26, 2009
fonder? further? what does distance truly do?
today, i found out that Jenn got a job in San Francisco. It’s bittersweet. We had always dreamed of moving to the bay area together. It was a place of fond memories. I proposed to her on the hills above the golden gate bridge (where this picture was) on a cold and gloomy December day. We spent many weekends there, seeing friends and experiencing new places. We spent her birthday there amidst the pain of the “beginning of the end” when she returned from her Mexico trip. Ok, so the memories weren’t always good.
Well, she will now be moving there, in August, without me. I’m so proud of her. She’s always wanted to be in a big city. She’s wanted to live in a crummy run down apartment (with a dog, but i don’t think that’s happening this time 
, and walk to work or take public transportation. Those wishes now come true. She always wanted this, and she worked hard to get there. Well done Jenn!
I think the pain lies now in this really signifying the end of our marriage. I know that we decided to split. I know that we’re filing papers next week to start that six month process. But she was always here. And we were friends. It was easy, in my head. The friendship, that is. Now, with her departure this summer, she will be 410 miles away (yes, I’ve driven there that many times), and despite just an hour plane ride, it will feel like an ocean stands between us.
this is probably a good thing. it’s a sign that we need to move on. we need to find ourselves in our new lives and pursue our own dreams. This is easier said than done, but I dont have a choice now. It’s another dream of ours together that I will have to forget.
I leave you with a quote. Distance can make the heart grow fonder, or it can make the heart forget. In my case, I hope it helps my heart heal.
Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there? – Richard Bach
we’re all the same
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Life on February 24, 2009
i must say that i’m quite amazed with the response I’m getting from posting personal feelings. I was quite scared at first because this is a record of me that will exist on the web forever. But I also realized that by not showing it, I’m not really showing me. I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. Exterior seemed fine … confident, worked hard, day to day routine. Inside, I wasn’t good. Even today, I’m hiding myself from most of the people I interact with because it’s not socially acceptable to really be me.
So i ask all of you out there, do you know you? are you being true to yourself? Ask yourself this, last time you were feeling down, and someone you knew met you in the hallway and said, “hey, how are you?” Was your answer “good”? Why do we feel programmed to always show that we’re positive? Why must we always be “good”?
I want to thank each of you that wrote me and told me about your personal story and commented about mine. I haven’t responded to all of you yet, but I will. I wanted to thank you for reaching out to me. I’ve learned through this process that I am not alone and you are a big reason I’ve felt this way. Some of you I haven’t talked to in years (or decades for that matter), and some I just met once. It doesn’t matter. We’re all the same, and that means we can identify with each other.
As much as we appear different in life, we were all born the same. An innocent child without any knowledge, without any sense of life. We developed into the people that we are because of the environment we were in and the methods our parent(s) used to raise us. But in the end, beyond the emotional layers, the behaviors, skin color, religion, we are the same.
Some may laugh at that statement and say, how can you say that? Religion, ethnicity, environment – all of those things make us different. And that is your choice. That is how you want to view the world. But if you can get beyond that and dig deep down, you can see that we are similar.
Jenn used to tell me, look into a person’s eyes and see that you and that person are the same. See the similarities. Don’t focus on the differences. That is how you will connect with others. That is how you will move beyond “fake” and be real.
So if you get a chance, look into some one’s eyes and see them. See how you’re like them. And in the process, see how that makes you feel. I think you’d be amazed at what it does for you. I was!
heartbr8king
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Life on February 23, 2009
So i know these posts have been a bit personal lately, but from the comments and feedback I got from last post, I realize that people want to read about something real and truly understand someone. I don’t know if I’m personalizing this statement, but my guess is that people go through so much of their day often hiding how they truly feel or what they want to say that when someone says what they are feeling, others identify.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not judgment. I do this constantly. In fact, I feel like corporate world (emphasis on WORLD, not just in the U.S.) trains us to do this. We live in a hierarchy where people like us or they don’t, and based on that like, we’re promoted or not. Disagree with something that someone senior says, and most often, you’re holding that comment in. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth.
I get sidetracked. I’ve never really known what a broken heart feels like. Yes, I’ve had my heart broken in the past. Several times in fact. I remember it being painful, but I also remember it lasting for just a short period of time. Usually, I dove into something, whether it was golf, drinking, work, or friends and video games, something served as a distraction. Three weeks ago, I was distracted. I felt fine. I lived in a dream world where nothing was wrong. Sure, I hurt every once in a while, but it was rare, and I was moving on…
Then I went to Germany, and without TV, internet, friends, english, sun, and community, I was alone. I had to face what I felt. I had to feel the heart that had been broken. And that was not a comfortable place.
I needed to find this place though because I can’t walk away from this and think that distractions will help. My heart truly is broken. I loved someone so much and dreamt of dying with this person, and that person will now just be my friend. The fondest memories that used to bring joy now bring pain, and that alone is quite devastating. The house feels emptier, the abbys are without the one who helped raise them, and the love that once filled the air is now just reminders of what is lost.
The heart is not whole when it goes through something like that, and although you can distract yourself from what you feel, it is hard for the heart to heal from distraction. So I faced it. I started combing through pictures and going through my memory bank of vacations, celebrations, and hard times. I allowed myself to feel all the good and the bad that came with the relationship, and I wished I could escape most moments. Each day though, I got stronger. Not strong, but stronger.
I finally reached a place where I felt comfortable knowing that I was hurt, and that was OK. Everyone wants to distract you when you go through something like this. Go meet girls, drink, play video games, party…that’s really great. But each night, i still come home to the memories, and I can’t put that off. I must face them and realize that a broken heart is short term pain for long term strength. But if I don’t face the pain and mend the broken heart, then I will not be a better person on the other side of this despair.
I wrote a very personal (and private) post the night that Jenn and I came to this decision. I leave you with a piece from that post, and hopefully you can understand why a broken heart may hurt, but it heals stronger.
“Jenn will always hold a special place in my heart. she taught me to love deeply, to forgive, to understand, to support, to be myself, to find myself, to feel and not be afraid of expression, to help others when you truly don’t need that next thing, and to build a relationship off trust and friendship. i hope that I’m friends with Jenn for the rest of my life. she has been more than a wife to me. she has been a friend, a teacher, a confidant, a supporter, and the little person that sits on my shoulder and encourages me to be better. losing that on a day to day basis is hard, and in writing this out, I’m realizing why. but if it works out well, i hope we can continue to build on this great friendship.” – January 18, 2009
emotions – good or bad?
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Life on February 22, 2009
i don’t know about most of you, but I’ve always had trouble being emotional. Maybe it’s just a guy thing, but to cry was to show weakness. I don’t know where I got that, and I would say that many of my friends who know me pretty well would call me sensitive (for a guy at least), but being sad was never something that was easy for me, especially in front of others. I’ve even been called a robot from those really close to me, and to be honest, that sucks. It only sucks because it was the truth
So I’ve had a lot to deal with in my life lately. I’ve had to be emotional quite often, in front of people that I’m not used to. I’ve learned which of my friends can handle emotion, and which can’t. I have learned that being emotional is not a sign of weakness, but it’s an indicator of being human and growth. How do people grow if they are so disconnected from their feelings that they can’t act how they feel at any given moment? How do friendships blossom if you can’t sit down with someone and talk about those feelings, and for a moment, actually feel them?
I visited my friend Shay tonight to pick up some games from him. I haven’t known Shay for long, about 2 years or so. Much more in the last 6 months as I’ve been in a group with him in 2 of my classes. Shay was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2007, and he’s been fighting this SHITTY disease ever since. He’s struggled through I believe 3 surgeries, and he’s fighting for his life each day. To me, Shay is my hero. Not because of his survival, but because of his courage and love that he still has despite the challenges he’s faced.
Shay’s strength lies in his family, which gives him the unwavering courage to fight this disease. His attitude is as good as it gets. If you met Shay, you couldn’t tell for a moment from his attitude that he had cancer. He is strong. Tonight, he said something to me where I could really see Shay.
I mentioned to him I was going through a divorce. I said, to be honest, your story has made me realize that divorce isn’t that bad. Despite hardship, I realize that there are plenty of things I should be thankful for.
He said (not direct quote, but something similar), Adam, my wife and child keep me going. They’re the ones who haven given me the strength to fight through this. I wouldn’t be able to do that without them. (indirectly: what you’re going through sucks and I understand).
Here is my friend battling death, and he has enough compassion for empathy. I was overwhelmed with sadness when he said this. Of course, like the true man that I was, I hid it, shook his hand, and left his house. But I’m hoping Shay could feel from me what those words meant. He understood my pain despite the suffering he’s encountered. I don’t know why that is meaningful to me, but it was a great show of friendship that I wasn’t expecting. I hope too that Shay knows how much I beieve in him and hope that he will be loving his family for many years to come!
I know it’s not socially accepted for men to publicly display feelings. Hell, women too. But i want to make the extra effort to not hide from my feelings. I want to show sadness when I’m sad, anger when I’m angry, and joy when I’m happy. It would be nice to do this without being judged, but unfortunately, our society is all about snap judgement, and that is something I will have to learn to deal with. Through showing emotion, I hope I can strengthen my friendships with others. I don’t want to hide behind the true feelings in an effort to come across “stronger” than I am. Strength lies in connecting deep within, not by hiding behind a tough exterior! Easier said then done though.
Ten Rules for Being Human
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Life on February 18, 2009
Another stumbleupon site found here that I want tos hare with you! Great rules. i particularly like number 7
Ten Rules for Being Human
by Cherie Carter-Scott
| 1. | You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period. |
| 2. | You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.” |
| 3. | There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.” |
| 4. | Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson. |
| 5. | Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned. |
| 6. | “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.” |
| 7. | Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself. |
| 8. | What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours. |
| 9. | Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust. |
| 10. | You will forget all this. |
so what really is social media?
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Life on February 9, 2009
We’re starting a podcasting series on social media. We’re focusing on what it is and how small businesses and non profits should use it. You’ll be able to find it at incuLink once we get it launched, which should be sometime at the end of March.
So I sat down with my friend Sherry to brainstorm what social media is. I thought it would be easy given how often the name is thrown around, but to my surprise, it wasn’t straightforward. Here’s what we came up with:
Social Media, according to incuLink (note this is a DRAFT and will be refined), are web based tools for sharing information. These tools come in multiple forms:
- Social Networks
- Blogs
- Microblogs (160 characters or less)
- Wikis
- Social Bookmarking
- News Aggregation
- Media Sharing
- Virtual Reality
Social media contrasts with industrial media, which is a more expensive medium for publishing information (think television, magazines, news, etc..). Social media can be done very cheap. All you need is an web host, Internet access, and some creativity. Once you’re equipped with the social media accounts and the proper knowledge, there’s no stopping you.
That’s they key though. You must learn to use these tools. Correct social media application is more than signing up for the accounts and messing around. The real benefit of using social media is HOW you use it and the INTEGRATION of the various social media tools.
The How is simple. To illustrate, which link from the following two tweets would you be tempted to click on:
- Cool Picture of night scene (link)
- Check out this amazing night scene (link) have you seen anything more beautiful? Show me, please!
The two above links achieve very different purposes. Which one would you click on? Although they both take you to the same link, the second tweet encourages discussion and sharing of ideas. This is social media at its finest. The tool exists that enables sharing, but it’s really up to you promote the idea to the public or to your community.
The integration of tools is more complicated, but this is where the real power is. Samples of social media integration are:
- Tweets show up in facebook status
- Flickr photos post to facebook and to blog
- Youtube videos shared in blog and facebook
- Social bookmarks through Delicious or Digg shared via facebook or twitter
Integration of social media tools is really just beginning, and we’ll see more of this as the social media applications open their APIs to development.
There’s so much more to write, but I’ll leave at that for now! Please comment if you have something more to add! Look for our podcasts in late March to learn more about how social media can increase your company’s awareness!
fun with numbers – unemployment
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Business Analytics on February 6, 2009
as an analyst, you are taught that data never lies. however, you eventually learn that data can be used to demonstrate almost ANY point you want to make. it’s not creative analysis but rather, slicing and dicing based on what you want to tell.
this is what the government is doing with the unemployment number. the number is WAY less than it was in the 1930s (although at the time of the crash, it was about 8% or so, which is near where it is today – it didn’t reach 25% until a few years later). however, a big reason for this is that the labor market is shrinking.
the calculation is unemployed / labor force, and unemployed is a person available to work and currently seeking work. that’s the key statement. if someone stops looking, they’re not considered unemployed. as people get discouraged, they’ve stopped seeking work, which ends up lowering our unemployment numbers.
see this post by barry ritholtz (his blog is the big picture, and i highly recommend it). Ritholz explains this phenomenon in some great graphs. in addition, Merrill Lynch says the real unemployment rate is around 14%.
how do you use numbers? are you providing all the scenarios or just the one you want people to know?
Business simulations…do you use them?
Posted by Adam Ainbinder in Business Analytics on February 3, 2009
i read this article in Harvard Business Review while I was working out tonight. it really got me thinking, why don’t businesses do this more often? i feel like business simulations are fairly common at larger companies, but I think it would be a very useful tool for smaller businesses to use. I think experiments are a great way to reduce risk by giving small businesses an option to exit an investment before spending too much money.
Business simulations are experiments conducted by company employees to test an idea before fully implementing that idea. An example in the article is financial institutions testing TVs in banks and whether they reduce customers perceived waiting time.
To run a business simulation, follow these steps:
- Form a hypothesis – this is something that you want to prove. When you run your experiment, it’s sometimes easier to disprove your hypothesis, which passes by default if you cannot succeed
- Run your experiment several times or in several locations – yes, you need a large sample for your test to be meaningful
- Have a control group – you will need to compare your results to something that didn’t undergo the test
- Change only one thing – if you change more than that, it will be hard to interpret your results
- Listen to your results – i know you want to succeed, but listen to the data. it doesn’t lie. Don’t have confirmation bias.
Pretty simple. So think about your next investment and whether it makes sense to run a business simulation. You’d be surprised at how effective it can be and how much money it may save you in the long run. It’s a great way to test an execution strategy.
If you run a business simulation, comment about it below. I’d love to hear about it!
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