Do you ever sit at home, by yourself, and wonder, I NEED to find something to do. I’m talking about that anxiety that pushes you to grab the tv clicker, pick up a book, or flip on the computer.
I’ve had this feeling quite a bit lately. And even though I’ve started TONS of things, I seem to pick up something new each time. I have trouble following things through to completion. For example:
- 4 books on my night stand, all read through about chapter 3
- 3 video games, played through levels 2-3 sitting on my tv stand
- Damages 2nd season, through about 5 episodes; but i have watched all 24s
- Photoshop Learning – 1/3 of the way through
- Learning to draw – 3/4 of the way through the book
- FlexBuilder – through 6 of 40 tutorials to learn the basics
Do you get the picture? Sadly, I could keep listing them. Fortunately, two things I have been good at completing are what really keep me going: training (half marathon next Sunday) and work (primarily, Project Harmony and soon the 18 month rolling forecast).
I’m trying to figure out why I’m like that. I dont think I’ve ever picked up multiple books before to read without finishing the one I’m on. I know that I’m avoiding something, and I can only believe that the thing is loneliness.
But why avoid loneliness? its not one of those feelings that is enjoyable, but is it that unbearable? what causes it too? pain? anger? Why do people, or just me, want to avoid this? its so easy to talk about dealing with this, and then do one of the 50 things that I do to avoid it. well, i think that I’m ready to focus on it. I’m ready to write about it, privately and publicly.
What can come of this? Will it improve my connection with myself going forward? Will it make me a more confident person? Will it do nothing but help me get through what is turning out to be a reflective and painful year? I guess I’ll find out and let you know. If you encounter similar feelings and find yourself “keepin busy”, sit back and reflect why and whether it would be better to sit in the moment of it.
On a positive note, this has been a great week!!! I had a new employee start. She is what I needed to get over the hump at work. I’ve struggled in my new role because I haven’t had the technical expertise to get what I needed completed. I’ve had to rely on counterparts in Germany, which has been great, but there is only a few hour overlap each day where we can get work done. Xiao brings that technical dimension to my work that I’ve been missing locally, and I’m thrilled to have her on board! I think I’m finally going to be able to accomplish great things at HID.
